My Birthday | Progress Takes Time

I yam so tired

Hi! Hello! Help me!

Kidding, I think. I don’t know, it’s been a bit weird for the past few weeks! What’s new?

Well, for the past month I’ve been dealing with a Toothache X Sinus Infection collab that not only left me partially deaf in my right ear but also completely killed all progress I was making in terms of working out, eating healthy and having a stable sleep schedule! IT’S SO COOL! I would sleep for 2 hours only to wake up in complete pain and bedrot out of sheer anger! IT’S THE BEST! Even better, this completely killed all progress I was making in drumming so I’m completely rusty on most of my hobbies now which certainly helps my mental state.

In reality, I’m already getting over this. I’m restarting everything this week and will be attempting to get into way better habits for the coming month. My birthday is coming up and I’ll be turning 29 soon, the weight of becoming closer to 30 slowly creeping into the recesses of my mind. What better time to remold yourself into a fine adult than when you can feel the crushing intensity of your own mortality flatten you into a fine paste!

I always get a little depressed around my birthday and I still can’t fully explain why. I know I just got done winging and complaining about it but it’s mostly just a joke, I don’t mind my birthday. I have an extreme luxury of having a solid amount of friends and acquaintances and I don’t pretend to not understand just how valuable that can be once you’re close to entering your thirties, but for some reason this specific day seems to follow me around every year like a shitty jumpscare.

There’s a number of things that it could be, such as having to plan multiple excursions with multiple friend groups, worrying that my birthday doesn’t really matter anymore (how vain, what a rube), or even just the fact that it always rains on my birthday (which honestly should be more impressive than it is sad). I’m starting to think it just comes down to the fact that I don’t like celebrating ME, which in itself is very very depressing. Half of the reason I started this blog was so that I could help myself celebrate wins, regardless of how small or insignificant they are, and yet here I am giving updates a month apart.

Here’s a thing I did that I’ve only told like 2 people: I paid off my car! That’s a win, right? It should be, it’s a very important milestone and represents “taking care of business” as it were. But here I am, playing it close to my chest because the biggest enemy to my own success is behind this stupid monitor.

All of that being said though, the best thing to stomp that out is to actually just go… do the thing. I’m back to working out, eating well and trying to rebuild stamina. I’ve restructured my finances to be more responsible. I’m actually reaching out to and hanging out with my friends instead of just suffering in silence like a little baby. Idk man I’m trying to do it. But progress takes time, and I’m incredibly impatient from what I’ve learned.

If you’ve read this far, thank you. As much as I am doing this for myself, it means something that you bothered to even glance at this post. I hope you have a great week, and I’ll try to do the same.